Today, the full version of an as-of-yet unreleased Kelly Clarkson song surfaced online, entitled “Let Me Down.” It is off-the-charts amazing o’clock.
In lieu of typing out a full review of the newly leaked track, I now present our conversation in full (side references to Kat DeLuna have been edited out for decency’s sake.)
Brad: OH MY GOD THE NEW KELLY SONG.
Alex: I KNOW. Remember when you were little and you would wake up on your birthday and the world would just seem like a better place? That was me this morning when I heard the song.
B: I don’t remember that because I was drunk most of the time. But if I did, that sounds BEAUTIFUL.
A: I was like Kristen Wiig. I was so “friggin excited.”
B: The lyrics are literally everything. They are too real.
A: Because they’re emo! I’m so over all these self-empowering songs on the radio. Like we get it. Katy Perry thinks we’re all fireworks. Ke$ha says we R who we R. Lady GaGa claims we were born this way and Selena Gomez wants to know exactly who says we’re not perfect. It’s about time someone is bringing self-deprecation back to the radio so we can all start tweeting passive aggressive lyrics again without reusing old material.
B: My AIM status has never been more thrilled.
A: FUN GAME ALERT: Guess how many 16-year-old girls (and 24-year-old gay men) are going to make the line, “The funny thing about forever is it comes with a side of never” their Facebook status today.
B: ….I think I tweeted that earlier. Or at least, it was planned.
A: Oh, one of those “timed tweets”?
B: Like, actually.
A: You’re … pretty.
B: LOOK, MAXIMUM IMPACT. WAIT. Can we talk about the production?
A: You mean flawless production?
B: I feel like it’s a return to My December. The beginning reminds me of “Yeah.”
A: Ugh, you KNOW how I feel about My December. A.K.A. The greatest pop album of all time. I agree though … it seems like more of a blend of Breakaway and My December than All I Ever Wanted was.
B: *All Clive Ever Wanted.
A: Because AIEW was like the sad slap in her face to try and make her be a pop star after My December flopped. Hence the mocking title and colorful album cover.
B: WAIT OH MY GOD AND THEN THIS PART: “IT’S NOT FAIR TO ME, ‘CAUSE I KNOW, I KNOWWWWWW”
A: No like when she hit that note, I actually felt my balls jump up into my stomach. Is that weird?
B: That’s probably something that should be looked at. I can ask Ciara. WAIT ALSO. This song has to be about Justin Guarini, right?
A: Obviously. It’s not at all about a secret lesbian lover. Neither was “Can I Have A Kiss.” And the fact that she brings up letters makes me think of “Never Again” so I immediately went into my happy place. But really though, if this song proves anything — it’s that she’s stopped taking her medicine and is back to being overly sensitive and bruised. Which for selfish reasons makes me ecstatic because that means the album will be amazing. Not that “I Want You” wasn’t cute, but …..
B: Yes. I sincerely hope she is bruised. No, but I seriously love this song so much. I keep hitting repeat. Other music literally doesn’t matter today.
A: Other music doesn’t EXIST today. And in other news, they can’t make Beyonce comparisons with this song because she’s not trying to reinvent the career of Des’ree with her “new” sound. Or really any day … until the new Veronicas single comes out …
B: I mean, the only obvious comparison I can draw is to Madonna‘s “Express Yourself.”
A: Yes. If you play them on top of each other, you’ll see they’re the exact same song.
A: But it’s okay because Kelly got Madonna‘s blessing. She told Jay Leno so.
B: I saw. She was wearing that tasteful meat bolero. WAIT BUT OKAY. I love that this is kind of spacey sounding too. It’s a little electronic underneath.
A: I just truly feel that it has what Teresa Guidice would call all the right “ingrediences” to be a huge summer hit for her. It’s perfect for crying and dancing at the time.
B: I wouldn’t know anything about that.
A: Need I remind you about the state you were in when Wynter Gordon played over the weekend …..
A: This song is also like “Behind These Hazel Eyes” in that it’s up-tempo and catchy as hell but also so depressing at the same time. It’s the perfect expansion of the Clarkson hit formula.
B: YES. I wholeheartedly agree. She is literally perfect. What if this isn’t the single? That would be a mistake.
A: Yeah … the same “allergies” you had when Cassie, Kelly Rowland, and Willa Ford came on. You mess. I mean I feel as though it has to be. They wouldn’t have teased so many clips of a buzz single, would they? And she did say that her single was dropping in July … so why release a buzz single literally RIGHT before the single release?
B: Well, this could always just be a leak from the sessions. I don’t know that anyone official has acknowledged it.
A: I’m pretty sure it hasn’t been acknowledged yet …. but timing wise, it does make sense that this would be it. Or maybe it’s just a demo version? Kelly demos looooooove to make their way online.
B: Maybe. (DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?)
A: Yeah. (RIGHT BACK AT YOU!)
B: If it’s not the single, it’ll be the greatest pop injustice since Christina‘s “Woohoo” not hitting #1.
A: …… TOTALLY.
B: God, her breasts are as big as her face now.
Thank you for your time.
Originally published on MuuMuse