Tuesday, March 29, 2011

BRITNEY'S FIRST EVER CO-HEADLINING TOUR

Who will pop icon Britney Spears share the spotlight with on her summer tour this year?

By Alex Nagorski (Britney enthusiast extraordinaire) 

FFpromo1
Prior to Britney Spears' surprise performance in Las Vegas on Friday, it was revealed that this summer she would be embarking on her first ever co-headlining tour (in support of her phenomenal new album, Femme Fatale). Details of whom Britney will be sharing the bill with have yet to surface, but sources promise that it’ll be a major name in the industry. I mean, duh. How can it not be? If you’re co-headlining with Britney Spears, you’re not going to be a little one-hit-wonder or a washed out has-been. Sorry, Willa Ford/Avril Lavigne.

How about Christina Aguilera? Talk about epicness. A Britney/Christina tour would sell out faster than Paramore did when they signed on to record that lame-ass Twilight theme song. Not only would it make the gays of yesteryear have a jitterspasm at the idea of seeing these two frenemies share a stage, but it would also just be a ridiculously smart move for both of their careers. Besides, Christina needs something in her life that isn’t deep fried or drenched in booze juice. And just think: Pepsi vs Coke sponsors! Crossroads/Burlesque mashed up intro videos! The possibilities are endless …

FFpromo2 Then there’s the obvious option: Madonna. Britney and Madonna have like totes been besties since day one. Remember when Madonna wore that Britney shirt when “Baby One More Time” was just getting big? Or how about that glorious VMA performance? What about their duet, “Me Against The Music” and the sexy-as-fuck accompanying music video?

In case you need a time frame, "MATM" was right before Madge became Britney’s spiritual adviser. Hence the Kaballah bracelet in the “Everytime” video.

Today, the relationship between Madonna and Britney has gone from “it takes a legend to make a star” to pure comradery. Madonna cited Britney’s “Piece of Me” as the inspiration for the type of musical direction she intends to go in. Then of course, there was that video Britney recorded for Madonna’s Sticky & Sweet Tour in 2009, followed by a surprise performance at her L.A. show (I felt so jipped for going to the New York one, #justsayin). And apparently, the two were seen having a long talk in the corner of Madonna’s Academy Awards after-party this year. Gossiping about a tour collabo? As Pink once (profoundly) said, who knows?

But maybe Madonna is not the best choice for Britney to co-headline with. Don’t get me wrong, that would be an UHHHHH-MAZING tour that I would shell out top dollar to attend. But I feel as though in an effort to secure Britney’s reclaiming of the pop throne, her team won’t take the risk of booking a performer that has the potential to outshine her. That means that other divas such as Christina, Madonna and the rest of the minions (Lady GaGa, Cher, Beyonce, etc.) are most likely out of the running.

Sexy-britney-spears-femme-fatale So who’s big enough to tour alongside Britney? My guess is that it’ll probably be someone who’s a major star in a completely different genre. That way, people won’t be able to compare the performances too much. My guess? Hip hop. My more specific guess?  The Black Eyed Peas. Britney collaborated with Peas member Will.I.Am on the Femme Fatale track “Big Fat Bass." She’s a long time, open fan of the band and they do have enough hits and household name value to tour alongside Britney.

If not the Peas, Kanye is another good bet. Remember how he had that whole collaborative tour lined up with Lady GaGa that later got scrapped after that whole VMA incident? You know, the one that Taylor Swift never got over and treated as though he had murdered her family? Well, he might still be inkling to do something with a pop ingénue, and who better than Britney?

Oh, and in terms of an opener for the tour? Ke$ha is a shoe-in. Not only did she write Britney’s single, “Till The World Ends,” but her music is similar enough to Britney’s to warm the crowd up – but it’s not good enough to outshine our little Brit Brit.

We’ll have to be patient for the announcement of who Britney’s big co-headliner will be. It is being speculated that it'll be Enrique Iglesias, but I'm choosing to ignore those rumors because the idea of seeing Enrique Iglesias in concert sounds about as exciting as watching an M. Night Shyamalan marathon while giving yourself an enema. But if this is true, I guess we all better prepare for the "Can't Really Sing? Good Thing You're Pretty" tour.

In the meantime, I highly suggest you pick up a copy of “Femme Fatale,” in stores today. It’s easily Britney’s best and most mature work to date. I mean, if the thumping beats and Britney’s sexy vocals don’t make you want to be a stripper, then you really need to reevaluate your life and every choice you've ever made.

*** UPDATE #1: Britney just announced (8:30 am EST) on Good Morning America that she will indeed be touring with Enrique Iglesias this summer. The first round of dates have already been announced.

*** UPDATE #2: HALLELUJAH! Only hours after Britney announced the details of her co-headlining tour, Enrique Iglesias has already dropped out. Turns out Brit Brit doesn't hate her fans and won't force them to sit through that shit after all!

Originally published on Crazytown Blog

ARE YOU LISTENING, RYAN MURPHY?

The 13 things that need to happen on GLEE before this season ends.
By Alex Nagorski


Dec2
Darren Criss (a.k.a Blaine) poses for OUT Magazine

Love it or hate it, you have to give Glee credit where it’s due. To kids today, the show is what Saved By The Bell or Dawson’s Creek were to us growing up: the show that defines their generation. And yes, while it may have its fair share of issues (lack of character development, songs that don’t make sense with the plot, etc.) Glee is unarguably one of the most progressive shows on television. 

Season 2 had a weak start but has been improving significantly each episode (Gleeks get drunk! Kathy Griffin as Sarah Palin!). To continue this upward climb, I’ve made a list of thirteen suggestions for Ryan Murphy and Co. to consider as they finish writing the remainder of the season to ensure they end on a high note (see what I did there?) before the finale this summer:
  1. Brittany does a cover of Rebecca Black’s smash game-changing hit, “Friday”.
  2. Blaine loses all of his clothes in a house fire and has to be naked for the rest of the season.
  3. Rachel admits that her original song, “Get It Right,” was actually a B-side from Idina Menzel’s failed “pop” album, “I Stand.”
  4. Mr. Schu donates all of his hair to Locks of Love, followed by a cover of anything from Britney’s Blackout album. 
  5. Tina and Mike film a response video to that ignorant blonde bimbo over at UCLA.
  6. The end of all Katy Perry covers and inspired Cheerios routines.
  7. Sam runs out of Lip Venom.
  8. Finn discovers a way to get rid of the extra chromosome he nurses so well every time he tries to seriously act.  
  9. Mercedes actually busts the windows of someone’s car (ala Cher in Burlesque).
  10. A guest starring appearance by Sarah Michelle Gellar for a special encore performance of “Something To Sing About” from the Buffy musical episode.
  11. Artie spits out a Lil’Kim/Nicki Minaj mashup.
  12. Santana and Brittany reenact the Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis sex scene from Black Swan.
  13. Julie Andrews reveals the secret truth behind Kurt’s eunuch origins when she guest stars as his grandmother.
Originally published on Crazytown Blog

SO YOU WANT TO REALLY IMPRESS YOUR FRIENDS?

Then play this at your next get-together! Inspired by the pop achievement that is Rebecca Black's "Friday," I've created a playlist that's sure to make your friends have fun fun fun fun fun. Whether you want to play drinking games or just have something to listen to as that final push you need to jump off the George Washington Bridge, I present to you "WINNERS: The official playlist"